Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Forgotten Father

I wonder sometimes, if America has forgotten the significane of the Father.  Kind of hard to imagine that anyone can forget their father, but I understand that not all of us have the same experiences.  However, since becoming a father nearly 10 years ago, its been pressed against my mind that being a father is imaginary to many, essential to all, but supported by few. 


In my case, it all began when I accompanied my then girlfriend to the doctor's office to confirm her pregnancy. There was no bathroom for men.  The nurse informed me that the building was constructed in the 1970's, a period when many men didn't come to the doctor with their loved ones.  How stupid is that? Evenmore, why would I not want to go and see my child? 

Later after delivery, I was ignored in the recovery room, asked by a nurse, who I was and why was I in the room.  Now in my situation, my daughter looks EXACTLY like her father; ME.  But who says everyone is smart enough to recognize that fact.  Sadly one of my emotional memories of the day including being so astonished that so many people thought I was absent, despite my being present thoughout the entire beautiful day. 

And so, as my story continues to spiral like a helicoptor hit in the side by a sniper along the militarized zone, my now former wife, who never had a father, as I am to my daughter, is sending the message to my daughter that DAD is just something, not someone. 

On the contrary, my mother had a lovely idea of her father.  Even today, at 66, she still lights up when she talks about her father.  I want my daughter to feel that same way about me, which sadly has never been the case for my ex-wife.  Like my mother, I have always been in-love with my father.  Though growing up with him was trying, since he abused alcohol for many years.  But I love my DAD.  I learned lots of things from him, even if the lessons were painful.  From my vantage point in each of these cases is the dependent variable of the mother.  It appears that part of the mother's role is to impart to her children how important the father is to the family.  Failing to do so, not only diminishes the effect of the father on his children, but also diminishes thier understanding and ability to become fathers or supporters of fathers themselves. 


In the Holy Bible, Peter explains that the husband is to the wife as Jesus is to the church, which ultimately illustrates their interdenpency on each other to survive.  In addition to their titles as husband and wife, under God's charge that we be fruitful and multiply, fathers and mothers we are bound to be.  As such, Peter's analogy should not be forgotten or its seriousness overlooked.  Fathers are to mothers as Our Father in Heaven is to his Church [the family]. 

While I admit that many fathers have walked away from their responsibilities as such, many others are being mischaracterized by the women we have loved and the Country which so routinely hails its founding fathers.  A bit of irony I suppose, but desparate all the same for the man who wishes to me more to his children from which he is much more likely to be seperated from.  In the African American community this has become an epidemic. 

While I agree that mothers are capable of raising a boy into a man, I advise that caution be the better guide.  What did she think of her father and what she didnt will not be within her son or daughter.

I've had a rough time today, seperated from my child for almost 10 years, 4 of which at the victim of divorce and blind justice.  With no recognized way to tell how I feel and how this calamity soils my child, I pray to God to help me and she as the rest of the world has all but forgotten the Father.

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